I have been dealing with a variance in severity and frequency of symptoms of peri-menopause for the better part of three years already. Even before sleep troubles and mood changes, my once easily managed skin betrayed me with breakout worse than I'd ever had as a teen. Nothing I tried was working until I used a product designed to help balance hormonal changes- and then the light went on as to what was really going on.
The last few years have brought more struggles, especially relating to mood and body changes. No one likes the feeling of losing control over things that we used to take for granted. Waking up refreshed after a restful sleep soon turns to zombie-like mornings full of aches and pains. Simple tasks can seem overwhelming and the to do lists just seem to grow bigger by the minute. Our well of patience seems to quickly run dry, and things that we used to let roll off our backs have now become sources of great annoyance. Things like brain fog, muscle weakness, and digestive issues/food sensitivities/allergies making us feel like strangers in or betrayed by our bodies. All of this in addition to the physical changes we see in the mirror. Gray hair, wrinkles, sagging skin, and belly weight gain make us spiral into negative thoughts about our quickly fleeting youthfulness, and perceiving ourselves to be less desirable or even worthless.
I have learned a few things over the last year that have helped me navigate this period of my life and I'd love to share my newfound wisdom with anyone who may be struggling.
1. Throw LOVE at it.
This is the most important component of navigating peri-menopause (and the aging process in general), but it's also the hardest. It's hardest especially if you haven't been loving to yourself prior to this time of your life. Learning to do this is a far greater feat than I'd be able to advise you on in a blog post. There are many books, courses, Ted Talks, podcasts, and Facebook groups devoted to learning this practice (and it is a PRACTICE- it doesn't happen overnight) and I'd recommend journeying along this path. What better time to begin to love and take care of yourself than when you've known yourself for over 40 years, you are established in your chosen vocation, and if you have children, maybe they are older and more able to entertain themselves and give you some "me" time?
I have long given up on comparing myself to others and wishing I had "those ripped abs" or longer legs/ shiny, manageable hair/ etc. I learned long ago that it was energy I didn't need to expend, and wallowing in that "if I had this or that I would be happy" mentality was not something I needed or wanted to participate in. Instagram is a wonderful social media experience for looking at beautiful places or spaces, but sometimes the carefully curated (and often VERY manipulated) images of women can make us feel badly about ourselves in seconds flat. I choose to follow some amazing body positive accounts like @thebirdspapaya and @queen-esie and highly recommend seeking out inspiration like this.
I decided that I was going to love and accept my body and my face as is FIRST. I appreciate all that it has given me. Every stretch mark and wrinkle earned. Vein-y and muscular arms and hands prove my capability as a massage therapist. Then, if I felt like I needed to FOR ME, I would work at something I wanted to improve. I am putting more energy in self care and taking time for myself. Physically I had to make some changes and really dig deep as to the kinds of things that could make an impact. A skincare regimen has always been part of my reality as an esthetician, but I became much more focused and purposeful about it. I learned that I can't metabolize alcohol the same as I used to especially when I am premenstrual. I've learned that my diet and supplementation greatly affect my mood and sleep. Gaining endurance, strength and flexibility with exercise now takes more time, but the payoff is well worth it. All the while I keep in mind working with instead of fighting against my body and the changes it is going through.
I've discovered that morning and nighttime rituals keep me focused and grounded and now I protect that time fiercely. Going inward, healing old wounds, changing old thought patterns, practicing gratitude, and learning new things are all ways that I love myself. Appreciating the wisdom that the years have given me, and fully embracing and believing that I am worthy of love and pleasure.
2. Tracking/Journaling Changes
Tracking the way you are feeling is absolutely crucial if you want to be able to minimize the effects hormonal changes have on your physical and emotional state. I found that it's helpful to take one symptom at a time writing down (either in a journal/notebook/planner or on you computer or phone) what the feeling is ( brain fog, for example), what time of day it is, and where you are in your menstrual cycle. Then we begin the process of seeing what kinds of things work to mitigate these symptoms. Maybe try eliminating dairy for awhile, or eating relatively clean (make sure you also track your food, water, caffeine and alcohol consumption so you can begin to realize what things may be helpful or what makes things worse.) If you can't seem to avoid the symptom at least you may be able to discern when in your cycle or time of day it is, and make plans to tend gently to yourself then, while maximizing other more productive/feel good times.
3. Supplements
I've never been one to be any sort of regular with supplements. It wasn't that I didn't think them helpful, I just have a hard time with the regularity. I have struggled with chronic sinusitis since spring of 2019 and I was put on on various prescriptive and over the counter regimens. I didn't love the thought of being on those indefinitely so I began experimenting with more natural based solutions like Turmeric, Silver Hydrosol, and CBD. The CBD and some other lesser known cannabinoids like CBG and CBC have been extremely helpful in managing my peri-menopause symptoms like skin breakout, digestive issues and mood.
I've long heard that magnesium is a wonder for migraines, and one of the newest symptoms for me was a premenstrual migraine that would last at least 2 days. It would be made worse if I had any sort of alcoholic beverage around that time (red wine being the biggest perpetrator.) Since my cycle has never been very regular, I was taking to avoiding any alcohol for a few months to be on the safe side. In the grand scheme of things I was fine without drinking, but I do enjoy it, so I thought I would experiment with magnesium to see if it would help. I got an ionic fizz style of magnesium citrate that is easily dissolved in water- I'd read that it is best absorbed by the body this way. It took about 2 months to notice a change with how I metabolize alcohol and minimize the severity and length of my migraines, but in the meantime, I was noticing MUCH better quality sleep. It has now become part of my nighttime ritual.
4. Get Moving
It's no surprise that exercise could be helpful in minimizing some issues we face in peri- menopause or the aging process in general. Maintaining balance, strength, endurance, flexibility, stress and weight management, and injury prevention are all things that can be accomplished with a regular exercise regimen. I find the more I move and keep up with my strength training, the less aches and pains I have. Sure, it's an adventure when you are having a hot flash in the middle of a Tae Kwon Do class (it's happened, and no hot yoga for me right now...), but it's benefits outweigh those minor challenges. I find a more positive body image for myself as well- knowing I'm doing things to keep toned, and manage my weight- but for me, the pain relief, flexibility, energy boost, and better sleep are the things that keep me motivated to move every day. Some lower energy days, it's a sniffing walk for my dog (we move slower), or some easy yoga with focus on stretching. Higher energy days are HIIT training and more intense cardio.
I started Tae Kwon Do with my 13 year old son this past February and I LOVE it. I'm fairly uncoordinated so the regimented forms are challenging, BUT I take it slow and they have become a beautiful meditative practice for me- almost Qi Gong or Tai Chi like. The classes are intense, and a great stress reliever!
5. Find Your Tribe/ Be Supported
It's immensely helpful to find people who are going through some of the same things you are at any given time, but particularly during peri-menopause and menopause. It validates the fact that you are not alone in experiencing these changes, and finding someone who understands what you're going through is invaluable. Especially when it's unlikely the people in your household (husband and kids for example) would to the same extent. Women around your same age are the obvious resource- close friends being the best, but support is to be found elsewhere too. Don't be shy about disclosing all of your symptoms to your doctor/ob/gyn. They may have some wonderful recommendations for mitigating symptoms and navigating these waters more smoothly. After all, this stage of a woman's life is also WELL within their wheelhouse. Other sources may be Facebook groups or sub groups on Reddit. A little unconventional to turn to virtual and literal strangers, but it's amazing how supportive online groups can be if you find some good ones, especially when they are well moderated and they effectively weed out negativity and trolls.
On the subject of people in your household, being honest with them is crucial. With your kids, you don't have to get into details, but letting them know about your situation is a good idea. When you are transparent, it will help you to explain some of the low energy, migraine "mom needs to lay down" moments, or the short temper/ emotional times. I don't look at it as admitting a weakness, after all, they very well may be going through major hormonal changes themselves! As far as your spouse/partner, unless you're in a relationship with a woman, your partner will have no frame of reference. Hopefully they've been abreast of hormones and their effect all along with your menstrual cycle or pregnancies. Honest conversations about changes in your energy levels and mood help to avoid unnecessary arguments sometimes and provide him with an opportunity to step in and help or care for you if you need it. Being honest about changes in sexual desire or different needs can be difficult, but once you open those channels of communication, both of you can enjoy a healthy, equitably satisfying sex life well into your later years.
No matter how you choose to navigate this time in your life, it is something to honor. I find gratitude for what my body as a woman has been able to do and I can celebrate the commencement of a cycle that has allowed me to carry and give birth to two miracles. With or without having had children you can honor your cycle of fertility that has given birth to your femininity, your power, sexual awareness and passion, creativity, individuality, and wisdom.
Another chapter in the book of our amazing life.